It's not something that i have thought of thoroughly, it is just a feeling i have in me. I can sense it. But of course that is if i were to be a musician. And that is a very big IF.
Tuesday, 5 August 2008
If i were to be a musician in my current state, i think, of all the possible chances , i would be in the acoustic genre or perhaps techno/new wave.
It's not something that i have thought of thoroughly, it is just a feeling i have in me. I can sense it. But of course that is if i were to be a musician. And that is a very big IF.
It's not something that i have thought of thoroughly, it is just a feeling i have in me. I can sense it. But of course that is if i were to be a musician. And that is a very big IF.
Do you know how hard it is for me to play the nice guy in front of people i don't like eventhough i know little by little i show a glimpse of my hatred to them. But still i show my kindness, smile when our faces meet. But deep down, oh how i want to scream i hate you. Like i said, i play the nice guy and this act is getting to me. It's seeping into my nervous system. I just can't help but think, would life be much more easier if i just air out all those emotions.
Do you know how hard it is to feel like you're not in control for your own life. Eventhough you actually know that you can be in control, you can be the leader of your life. Only that you don't have the courage, the drive, the determination to cease the opportunity that has been laying right in front of your nose this whole time. But the feeling of afraid, of probabilities, just lowers your confidence.
Do you know how hard it is to like someone who has already a someone special. To like someone who thinks you as a friend. To like someone who is already liking someone else. To like someone who belittles you. To like someone who just makes you feel the unbearable feeling of jealousy but most of all the emotion of missing. To like someone whom you miss but whom has never returned that feeling back.
Do you know how hard it is to endure all the criticism in this harsh world you call life. Do you know how ashamed it feels in order to hide the object of those criticism, you divert it to someone else's weakness. How embarrassed it is to feel to put the attention on someone else's insecurities.How guilty it is to lie, to blame and to ignore.
Do you know how hard it is to feel empathy to someone unlucky than oneself. How hard it is to cope with the fact that you cannot stop to sympathize everyone in this whole world but unable to do anything about it. But most of all, how tough it is to feel sorry for others but not sorry for oneself. To feel sorry for others whom never have felt sorry for ourself.
Do you know how hard life is? But do you know that humans are much more harder, much more flaccid. Much more tougher. Much much more.
Do you know how hard it is to feel like you're not in control for your own life. Eventhough you actually know that you can be in control, you can be the leader of your life. Only that you don't have the courage, the drive, the determination to cease the opportunity that has been laying right in front of your nose this whole time. But the feeling of afraid, of probabilities, just lowers your confidence.
Do you know how hard it is to like someone who has already a someone special. To like someone who thinks you as a friend. To like someone who is already liking someone else. To like someone who belittles you. To like someone who just makes you feel the unbearable feeling of jealousy but most of all the emotion of missing. To like someone whom you miss but whom has never returned that feeling back.
Do you know how hard it is to endure all the criticism in this harsh world you call life. Do you know how ashamed it feels in order to hide the object of those criticism, you divert it to someone else's weakness. How embarrassed it is to feel to put the attention on someone else's insecurities.How guilty it is to lie, to blame and to ignore.
Do you know how hard it is to feel empathy to someone unlucky than oneself. How hard it is to cope with the fact that you cannot stop to sympathize everyone in this whole world but unable to do anything about it. But most of all, how tough it is to feel sorry for others but not sorry for oneself. To feel sorry for others whom never have felt sorry for ourself.
Do you know how hard life is? But do you know that humans are much more harder, much more flaccid. Much more tougher. Much much more.
Everyday i look myself in the mirror. It has become quite a habit for me. Sometimes i just look at my face for no obvious reason, but of course everything has its purpose. So does my lunacy.
I guess the reason i look myself in the reflection is to see how i look like. Duuuuh. For your information, that wasn't a joke. It sounded like one but it wasn't. I really want to know how i look like. Don't you have ever felt that feeling where "what does my face looks like in this kind of situation?" happens to you?
Besides, most of the time, i just practice how many insane facial expressions i can conjure up. But actually, always, i practice my smile. And that, i know why. It's because of the hypocrisy. My hypocritical oath. To show happiness where there is none. To create merry where it does not exist.
To whom this oath is made for, i do not know. All i know is, it is a lie. Smiling when you do not mean it is a very big lie. A smile can warm a thousand winters. But when it is not sincere, what happens? Does it reverse the process? If so, my bad.
But come on. It's not that much of a crime compared to all of yours. I smile because i'm too nice to say that you are definitely an Arsehole. So smile away to hasten the day.
I guess the reason i look myself in the reflection is to see how i look like. Duuuuh. For your information, that wasn't a joke. It sounded like one but it wasn't. I really want to know how i look like. Don't you have ever felt that feeling where "what does my face looks like in this kind of situation?" happens to you?
Besides, most of the time, i just practice how many insane facial expressions i can conjure up. But actually, always, i practice my smile. And that, i know why. It's because of the hypocrisy. My hypocritical oath. To show happiness where there is none. To create merry where it does not exist.
To whom this oath is made for, i do not know. All i know is, it is a lie. Smiling when you do not mean it is a very big lie. A smile can warm a thousand winters. But when it is not sincere, what happens? Does it reverse the process? If so, my bad.
But come on. It's not that much of a crime compared to all of yours. I smile because i'm too nice to say that you are definitely an Arsehole. So smile away to hasten the day.
Thursday, 17 July 2008
Happy happy!
Happy 150th post Awanism!
Looks like you have posted loads of entries since you started this blog. And now you're stopping?
Yeah i am. Sorry friends and foes, I can't get pleasure out of expressing myself this way. No i just cannot.
How come you say that? Seems to me that you're having a very good time writing about all those stuff. Why stop now when you're getting famous?
Well, it seems to me that there is no pleasure in just complaining about my wretched life and doing nothing about it. Plus, my life is a wreck with all the bullshit around me.
Oh come on, whatever happens to "don't let the world win"?
Well looks like it is, don't it? Besides, the world has just won the battle, not the war. I will come back, with much more strength and morality and charisma and mentality. You'll see.
We will miss you. Eventhough you thought that no one will.
Thank you. It means so much to me that you lied. Thank you very much.
Looks like you have posted loads of entries since you started this blog. And now you're stopping?
Yeah i am. Sorry friends and foes, I can't get pleasure out of expressing myself this way. No i just cannot.
How come you say that? Seems to me that you're having a very good time writing about all those stuff. Why stop now when you're getting famous?
Well, it seems to me that there is no pleasure in just complaining about my wretched life and doing nothing about it. Plus, my life is a wreck with all the bullshit around me.
Oh come on, whatever happens to "don't let the world win"?
Well looks like it is, don't it? Besides, the world has just won the battle, not the war. I will come back, with much more strength and morality and charisma and mentality. You'll see.
We will miss you. Eventhough you thought that no one will.
Thank you. It means so much to me that you lied. Thank you very much.
Sunday, 13 July 2008
Aku paling tak suke la kan, bila orang tuh panggil aku ni anti-melayu. Tunjuk kat aku sikit apa bukti ko panggil aku bukan anak malaysia.
1.Aku dengar lagu orang barat?
Alahai, itu je ke alasan kau yang boleh kau cari? Come on-la wei. Budak melayu lain pun dengar lagu orang putih la. Kau pun sama dengar. Jadi adakah itu bermakna kau itu bukan anak melayu? Tuhla, lain kali guna otak sikit.
2.Kau cakap aku anti-nasionalis sebab bila aku bertutur dalam bahasa barat loghat aku lain eh?
Siapa suruh kau tak belajar bahasa barat dengan betul. Takkan aku nak cakap dalam broken english kot. I want to break our connection, you play wood three. Tak ke bodoh.
3.Aku pakai baju yang bukanlah kemelayuan?
Aku pergi sekolah pakai songkok, pakai tali leher. Siapa yang kelihatan tidak bertamadun di sini? Aku ke ataupun kau yang tidak tuck in baju lepas tuh dah la tak ada tanda nama dengan lencana. Aku bangga pakai tanda nama, siap ada nama bapak aku la weih.
4.Aku sukakan perempuan putih?
Aku nak tanya kau satu perkara la kan. Ko tengok video lucah orang putih ke orang melayu. Mestilah putih kan. Tahu pun.
5.Fikiran aku berbahasa inggeris?
Bila aku sudah dewasa nanti aku nak kerja luar negara, jauh dari negara yang korupt dan berbentuk berat sebelah. Aku nak kerja di negara yang berbahasa inggeris jadi ini memerlukan aku fasih berbahasa ingeris. Kau pun sama kan nak kerja masyuk je. Orang kerja bergaji tinggi pandai bercakap dalam bahasa inggeris.
6.Kau cakap aku sokong penjajah?
Alamak. Alamaak. Bodoh ke kau ini? Sekarang nie sudah moden. Tiada bentuk penjajahan dah zaman sekarang ini. Biarlah aku nak berpihak kepada penjajah daripada engkau itu, sokong liverpool, man.u, arsenal, newcastle, apatah lagi pasukan bola sepak. Tak ke penjajah tuh? Kalau pasukan malaysia jangan kata nak pergi stadium sokong, tengok dalam astro pun tak nak. Tengok aku nie, aku tak suke bola sepak sebab bola sepak itu permainan orang barat yang menunjukkan kita tiada akal. Sepak bola merata-rata. Aku lagi suka batu seremban la wei. Walaupun selalunya perempuan main, tapi permainan melayu la. Adat-istiadat zaman dahulu.
7.Aku tengok filem orang putih?
lebih baik tengok cerita Catwoman yang entah apa-apa daripada tengok S-E-P-I. Tetapi pengecualian cerita P. Ramlee la, itu kau pun tak boleh lawan.
8.Aku blog bahasa inggeris?
Sebab aku blog bahasa inggeris kerana aku tak nak orang macam kau ini faham apa aku fikirkan.
Kau bukannya faham apa maksud superfragilisticexpialidocious kan?
Padan muka ko, pergilah google perkataan tuh. Google dah la orang barat. Internet pun orang barat. Teruskan usaha anda memanggil aku anti-melayu. daft arseswipe.
1.Aku dengar lagu orang barat?
Alahai, itu je ke alasan kau yang boleh kau cari? Come on-la wei. Budak melayu lain pun dengar lagu orang putih la. Kau pun sama dengar. Jadi adakah itu bermakna kau itu bukan anak melayu? Tuhla, lain kali guna otak sikit.
2.Kau cakap aku anti-nasionalis sebab bila aku bertutur dalam bahasa barat loghat aku lain eh?
Siapa suruh kau tak belajar bahasa barat dengan betul. Takkan aku nak cakap dalam broken english kot. I want to break our connection, you play wood three. Tak ke bodoh.
3.Aku pakai baju yang bukanlah kemelayuan?
Aku pergi sekolah pakai songkok, pakai tali leher. Siapa yang kelihatan tidak bertamadun di sini? Aku ke ataupun kau yang tidak tuck in baju lepas tuh dah la tak ada tanda nama dengan lencana. Aku bangga pakai tanda nama, siap ada nama bapak aku la weih.
4.Aku sukakan perempuan putih?
Aku nak tanya kau satu perkara la kan. Ko tengok video lucah orang putih ke orang melayu. Mestilah putih kan. Tahu pun.
5.Fikiran aku berbahasa inggeris?
Bila aku sudah dewasa nanti aku nak kerja luar negara, jauh dari negara yang korupt dan berbentuk berat sebelah. Aku nak kerja di negara yang berbahasa inggeris jadi ini memerlukan aku fasih berbahasa ingeris. Kau pun sama kan nak kerja masyuk je. Orang kerja bergaji tinggi pandai bercakap dalam bahasa inggeris.
6.Kau cakap aku sokong penjajah?
Alamak. Alamaak. Bodoh ke kau ini? Sekarang nie sudah moden. Tiada bentuk penjajahan dah zaman sekarang ini. Biarlah aku nak berpihak kepada penjajah daripada engkau itu, sokong liverpool, man.u, arsenal, newcastle, apatah lagi pasukan bola sepak. Tak ke penjajah tuh? Kalau pasukan malaysia jangan kata nak pergi stadium sokong, tengok dalam astro pun tak nak. Tengok aku nie, aku tak suke bola sepak sebab bola sepak itu permainan orang barat yang menunjukkan kita tiada akal. Sepak bola merata-rata. Aku lagi suka batu seremban la wei. Walaupun selalunya perempuan main, tapi permainan melayu la. Adat-istiadat zaman dahulu.
7.Aku tengok filem orang putih?
lebih baik tengok cerita Catwoman yang entah apa-apa daripada tengok S-E-P-I. Tetapi pengecualian cerita P. Ramlee la, itu kau pun tak boleh lawan.
8.Aku blog bahasa inggeris?
Sebab aku blog bahasa inggeris kerana aku tak nak orang macam kau ini faham apa aku fikirkan.
Kau bukannya faham apa maksud superfragilisticexpialidocious kan?
Padan muka ko, pergilah google perkataan tuh. Google dah la orang barat. Internet pun orang barat. Teruskan usaha anda memanggil aku anti-melayu. daft arseswipe.
Lately it's been hard to keep up with this blog. Since i am an arsehole and all.
Would you just visit this shit here please so i can go to bed right now.
everything this assface says in his blog is uber crap.
ahaha there, are you happy now?
Would you just visit this shit here please so i can go to bed right now.
everything this assface says in his blog is uber crap.
ahaha there, are you happy now?
Friday, 11 July 2008
Part 1
There is so much i want to tell you but i don't know where to begin.
Lately, nowadays, oftenly now,
I get angrier and angrier by the minute. It's like i can't control my temper. I think i am losing my sanity for some reason. I would not be surprised if in the future you might find me in some mental institution being strapped and locked up in a comfy room, you know, like the room in the movies. Of course this is all in my head as usual. My friends have not yet seen the riled up side of me. I am still trying to keep it under caps, whatever the phrase is.
Sometimes the little things that makes me tick just flips me off. The little things that i noticed but no one do makes me unbearable. Even my grammar is getting wronger by words.
no in the mood. i'll continue later.
Lately, nowadays, oftenly now,
I get angrier and angrier by the minute. It's like i can't control my temper. I think i am losing my sanity for some reason. I would not be surprised if in the future you might find me in some mental institution being strapped and locked up in a comfy room, you know, like the room in the movies. Of course this is all in my head as usual. My friends have not yet seen the riled up side of me. I am still trying to keep it under caps, whatever the phrase is.
Sometimes the little things that makes me tick just flips me off. The little things that i noticed but no one do makes me unbearable. Even my grammar is getting wronger by words.
no in the mood. i'll continue later.
Sunday, 6 July 2008
Sometimes,
I wish to be the guy who was always there when you need him. The guy who would not say protest his friends but support them to the end even if they're wrong.
Sometimes,
I wish that they would remember me much, like how i remember them all day. Like how i think of them constantly and yearns to be with them eternally.
Sometimes,
I wish that you knew everything about me like how i want to know everything about you. I want to get close to you more than anyone has ever before. And how i want you to get close to me like no one has ever before.
Sometimes,
I wish to be the quiet one. Has a very low profile whom no one recognizes. Whom someone wants to befriend.
Sometimes,
I wish i was a vampire.
Sometimes,
I wish that i have a lover who i can go to when i need her. Whom i can tell everything until there is nothing to tell. Whom i can share silences with by being in the presence of one another. Whom i can hold in this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death do i part.
Sometimes,
I wish i happy. The true happiness you see like when cats are stroked and they purr. Like dogs feel when they pee. Like monkeys when a banana is in their possession. Like a mouse finding cheese. Like a rabbit and a carrot. Like me and my shared feelings to another human being.
Sometimes,
I just want to faint or be overdosed. Just sometimes.
just sometimes.
I wish to be the guy who was always there when you need him. The guy who would not say protest his friends but support them to the end even if they're wrong.
Sometimes,
I wish that they would remember me much, like how i remember them all day. Like how i think of them constantly and yearns to be with them eternally.
Sometimes,
I wish that you knew everything about me like how i want to know everything about you. I want to get close to you more than anyone has ever before. And how i want you to get close to me like no one has ever before.
Sometimes,
I wish to be the quiet one. Has a very low profile whom no one recognizes. Whom someone wants to befriend.
Sometimes,
I wish i was a vampire.
Sometimes,
I wish that i have a lover who i can go to when i need her. Whom i can tell everything until there is nothing to tell. Whom i can share silences with by being in the presence of one another. Whom i can hold in this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death do i part.
Sometimes,
I wish i happy. The true happiness you see like when cats are stroked and they purr. Like dogs feel when they pee. Like monkeys when a banana is in their possession. Like a mouse finding cheese. Like a rabbit and a carrot. Like me and my shared feelings to another human being.
Sometimes,
I just want to faint or be overdosed. Just sometimes.
just sometimes.
Saturday, 5 July 2008
I am demented.
The other day i felt an itch at my arse so i, well i, um, well you know what i'm talking about right?
I am weird
just now i made eye contact with myself and i was just mesmerized by the sheer beauty of me.
wait, doesn't that mean i'm vain? whatever
I am crazy
Everytime i take a bath i go nude. I mean nude as in in my birthday suit. Does that make me a nudist?
I am stupid.
Why the hell would i put all my secrets in a piece of parchment for all to see.
I am not a believer
I don' believe that people can do magic tricks but i believe they can do magic.
I am dyslexic.
Yeah so every words i read in here looks like this:
I ma yzarc. teg ti?
I am stupid.
wait i said that already huh.
one last note. everything i write in this post is a lie, including this one.
The other day i felt an itch at my arse so i, well i, um, well you know what i'm talking about right?
I am weird
just now i made eye contact with myself and i was just mesmerized by the sheer beauty of me.
wait, doesn't that mean i'm vain? whatever
I am crazy
Everytime i take a bath i go nude. I mean nude as in in my birthday suit. Does that make me a nudist?
I am stupid.
Why the hell would i put all my secrets in a piece of parchment for all to see.
I am not a believer
I don' believe that people can do magic tricks but i believe they can do magic.
I am dyslexic.
Yeah so every words i read in here looks like this:
I ma yzarc. teg ti?
I am stupid.
wait i said that already huh.
one last note. everything i write in this post is a lie, including this one.
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