I miss watching television.

Period.

I can't remember the last time i watched television.

Apa aku belajar kini.

Apa aku belajar semua pada waktu kini adalah etika, cara-cara seorang profesional mengendalikan kerjanya dan orang-orang di sekelilingnya. Ada tatacaranya, ada protokol nya, ada kesemuanya.

Semakin aku belajar, kadang-kadang itu semakin aku rasa aku tidak layak belajar bidang ini. Sebabnya, etika aku memang jauh sama sekali beza dengan etika yang patut aku tampilkan sebagai seorang profesional dalam bidang ini. Perangai aku memang tidak sehaluan dengan cara pemikiran. Perangai aku memang perangai yang periang, selamba, relaks dan semuanya yang kebudak-budakan. Namun karakteristik yang harus aku terapkan di sini untuk menjadi berjaya adalah bersikap profesionalisme, serius, fikiran rasional dan peribadi dewasa, so to speak.

Agak susah di situ. I may grow old, but i can never grow up.

Alternate reality.

When i am in my room, i feel like i'm in a very different dimension. It's like i am in some sort of time machine where time is not relevant to me. I feel like i don't know what is going on outside my fortress of solitude.

Because of that also, in chatrooms, i go invisible sometimes is  because i want to be in an alternate reality. I want to lose track of time by myself. I want to be alone with myself without thinking the social constraints of entertaining and keeping up with friends. Sometimes i just don't have the emotional capacity of making conversations with old friends because i just don't feel like it and i always feel like it. Mostly anyways.

But i do not deny that i do miss having long talks with friends and gossipping and chit-chat and whatnot. It encourages affection, but it also encourages me to easily feel fed up. Everything has it's limit i guess. And right now, i am over the border of my limit of staying alone for too long. I need something extraordinary. Right now, i don't feel so special, i don't feel so unique. I feel nothing. No, even that is something. I don't feel anything.

In retrospect.

In reflection, this year has been a very hectic year for me. I've said too many goodbyes and hellos this year alone compared to all my years of living on this beautiful earth. Also, i have moved numerous times, to many places this year. I've been quite the nomad if you ask me. but now i guess, i have reached the end of my nomadic periods. Now, all i have to do is settle down and start adapting to this new environment i call my temporary home, for the time being.

I guess, i just want to say that i'm finally getting acquainted to the idea that i have come to a halt to my transferring days for now and that i need to accept reality that, it's not going to get any better than this.

Sometimes i just don't want to grow up.

Aku tahu soalan begini tidak sepatutnya aku tanya.

But why do i attract these kind of people. Am i that kind of magnet where people like them will succumb to my stupid charm. I am not doing this purposely but somehow, it comes back to me and sometimes i feel , well i think i can't say it here because it may hurt people's feelings. But that is what i feel like. I feel like asking WHY ME?

Everyday you learn new things.

Alhamdulillah. Aku bersyukur aku memang bertuah. Aku kena ingat betapa bertuahnya aku ini.

Jangan complain jangan merungut. Everyday is a gift. so start giving.

And thanks to the one person that i can tell anything to. Best berbual setelah beberapa lama tidak bersapa.

Aku memang cukup bertuah.

Senior-senior aku memang baik sangat. Terima kasih banyak-banyak.

Tengah layan Space Jam.

Brings back childhood memories and nostalgia.

Like no other. Hopefully.