I have often dreamed
Of a far-off place
Where a great warm welcome
Will be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer
When they see my face
And a voice keeps saying
This is where I'm meant to be

I will find my way
I can go the distance
I'll be there someday
If I can be strong
I know ev'ry mild
Will be worth my while
I would go most anywhere
to feel like I belong

Beep beep.

it was 10:00 pm. the sound of my mobile ringing. i reached it and open the lid. on the screen blipped a date, showing 2nd June, a birthday.

well i know i never have remembered any of my friend's birthdays, i need the help of myspace or mobiles to remind me. but when i am reminded, i do really wish they live a long and nice life. so this is just an advanced happy birthday to my friend.

Happy birthday and may god bless you. miss you buddy.

I was young then and stupid.



I had no experience about all that. I didn't knew what i was dealing with. Me and you, we were. At first it was fun but then more problems started to emerge. Suspicions started to unearth. You didn't believe in me and I was getting tired of your distrust. From what started as innocent letter writings to becoming late night calls. We grew intimate and then we grew apart. You accuse me of having more than one while I watch and let you have more than one. I was young then and stupid, so I decided to stop by silence. Everything changed and we went our own ways.



But sometimes i do miss you.

I remember.


I was the supporting character, although my role was not that important but it was important to me. I was the "official assistant to the Sultan". it was fun. it was at camp when i did that performance with my group during culture night. Everybody laughed including me. it was the first time i felt so excited with entertaining people. it was when i realized that i felt happy making people laugh and smile.



well now i'm just bent on making my life a misery.

I have a dream.


as my friends and i are talking, one of them said,

Friend: I'm concerned, Azuan are you sick? You look so bone-y.

Azuan: *smile from ear to ear and resume discussing the topic at hand.


like i said, i have a dream. i try to achieve it.

Blog: what makes your problems more important than other poeple's?

Azuan: well, it's because they're mine.











i'm having a less productive day here. i need to get out of my home. i need some culture.

I really hate school. ahaha they're making me hate the holidays. look what my plans are for this holiday. emmm school, study, work, homework and of course tuition. i hate the holidays. can i just slit my wrist, at least that'll be more fun.

I am a self absorbed, self-centered, narcissistic, egotistical person. thank you very much.

anyone know any cure for depression cause i'm in a rut. a very big gigantic magnanimous rut. i have lots of agendas here. i need a heart a brain and some courage. maybe i just need one of them ruby slippers. and i'll be on my way following the yellow brick road. i'm off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of oz.

Oh darling, please believe me
i'll never do you no harm
believe me when i tell you
i'll never do you no harm.

oh darling, if you leave me
i'll never make it alone
believe me when i beg you
don't ever leave me alone

when you told me, you didn't need me anymore
well you know i nearly broke down and cried
when you told me, you didin't need me anymore
well you know i nearly fell down and die.

oh darling please believe me
i'll never let you down
believe me when i tell you
i'll never do you no harm.

I'm most happy when i am miserable. misery loves company like the song. but i guess i love misery as company. what's fun in life if there's no challenges, no boundaries to cross, no rules to break, no time of sadness. it's no fun on being happy all the time. laughing and smiling. that's no fun anymore.


oh god, i'm on my way to being an EMO? ewwwww. shoot shoot bang bang.

Lately i have been having these weird dreams that i cannot understand their true meaning. I believe there's something wrong and i'm getting to the bottom of this.

i've got the world on a string.

I had a dream and you were in it. I was mad at you, it would seem that i was always mad at you. But how could i still be mad at someone who isn't here anymore? I am going insane with all these unaired emotions. I guess i miss you buddy.

The sad part about me, i get pissed off for no fcuking reason or for just one small teeny weeny mistake. and for that people around me has to pay. i'm sorry guys but this is how i punish myself. perhaps it would seem that i am punishing you but it's not, i'm trying to make my life miserable but it sure is very stubborn.

oh god i think i am going to flunk every paper i take. uuurgh

I just finished watching shrek. it was unbeautfiully beautiful, to say the least. i wish i could live in a fairytale of unorthodox and conventional. if it'd really happen i think i'll be the donkey, or maybe the puss in booots cause i am cuute. :D

moral of the story, don't jugde a book by it's cover, judge it by the movie. :D

What if you, could wish me away. And what if you spoke those words today. I wonder if you'd miss me when I'm gone. It's come to this, release me. I'll leave before the dawn. But for tonight I'll stay here with you, yes for tonight I'll lay here with you. But when the sun hits your eyes through your window there'll be nothing you can do.

I don't know how you people do it but to me, it is uber hard. i just can't stand the hurt. but when i look at you guys, you all make it look so easy, maybe it's easy to pretend huh? well i never was good at pretending.

Well so far today is good. I didn't go to school today cause i don't have the mood. I didn't ate anything yet in the morning so i ordered pizza for breakfast. it was gooooood. :D it be the first time i ordered take out for breakfast on a "skipping school day". i feel goooooood. and tomorrow begins the pain. the annual mid year exams. AAAAAAAA!

I'm not fun anymore. before this i promised myself not to change but it did and i did. i change to become a very dull person and very aggressive one too. i will constantly mock people about their nature, and laugh at people. i can't help it, you people are funny and i'm just a dumb sixteen year old boy who looks like a fat bastard and talks like there's no off switch. and here i am writing a blog about myself. how pathetic can i get?

i talk jibberish, outlandish, foreign, alien language.

I know this is a tuesday but i just remembered about this particular thing that i am going to talk about. I hate Mondays. hate them hate them hate them.
first, i know it's the end of the weekends and yipeee i have to go back to school.
second, i have to go back to school.
third i have to go back to school.
forth, i am not ready to go back to school and i want the weekends to be longer.
and being it a tuesday, it only adds up my aggravation towards monday because it only gets worse from here. uuurgh. other than weekends i do love fridays though. :D how i would want it to be friday as fast as possible. :D

well that is all.

p/s: nak kamera!!!!!

I hate feeling like this. feeling like i'm all rushing to complete my work. i hate feeling not content, feeling like there's something i am forgetting, feeling like i must finish some job. well basically i hate deadlines and tomorrow i have to hand in my group's print of our presentation and i am wondering right now who to call for help cause i ain't got a printer. anyone by any chance can help me please contact me as soon as possible in any way. uuuurgh

i miss playing playdough and making things out of them. i miss being a creator and creating wonderful sculptures that ought to have been put in galleries somewhere. how i can over-exaggerate huh. i miss playing house and doctor. i miss playing nintendo games especially fox jet something whatever. i miss playing power rangers with friends pretending i am the red ranger fighting monsters who really look like frosty the snowman. i miss roller-blading . i miss cooking and making masks out of tissues and cardboard boxes and painting them. i miss playing toys. i miss everything i did when i was a kid. i miss myself, my kid self because right now i am without my inner child. or so i think. oh well.

yeah call me a heartless bastard for all i care. i'm doing you a favour. i just needed someone to talk about what i feel and what better way than to say it right into your face.

I don't know if you people noticed, but i can hear the ice melting, i can smell the scent of blood, i can see clearly than you. does that make me a freak? or maybe possibly at least a mutant? i wish.
but they're all true, i can hear the ice in my cold fresh orange juice melting. the popping sound of the ice warmed by the surrounded water. i can smell the scent of blood, it smells well inddiferent. i cannot describe the aroma but it's not a fragrance i'd like to wear when i go on a date. i can see distant objects, i can see near objects, i can see what our naked eyes cannot dream of seeing. i can see nudist. :D

well well, if only my life were a comedy in a movie. it would not be this hard to live.

I'm trying not to be a hypocrite. woooptidooo

My legs are stomping my hands are clapping and shaking, my head is flipping from side to side my body is swinging left to right my shoulders up and down my ass wriggling with joy. i am dancing like my pants is on fire. woopwoop.
dancing needs no steps, dancing is art in the form of movement. make that spontanoues movement. no one can be called dance ignorant because dance have many-many styles. each have their own unique one. it is the act of expressing your sexual needs oh how i am very needy. :D

ahaha. woooohooooo

I want to booze up and go out and dance and have fun and get drunk and get hit by a car and live the rest of my life with the help of a breathing machine thingamajiggy. but hey life's cruel and unfair, your wishes can't come true just like that.



or maybe it does, and i wont be ready, will i?

I may grow old but i will not grow up.