Friday, 27 February 2009

Wardrobe malfunction.





He makes wearing checkered/plaid shirts look cool. For me.

After this, i am definitely going to change my wardrobe style. I am totally devoted.

Kot.

Thursday, 26 February 2009

Berapa kali nak cakap.

Berapa kali nak ulang, don't judge a book by it's cover. Degil lah. Haish.

Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on

Nama pun dah Good Charlotte. Walaupun pakaian, rupa dan imej mereke menunjukkan mereka itu Goth, rock, punk whateverlah(aku bukannya handal dalam bab subculture ni), lagu-lagu mereka ada meaning ok. Ada depth, ada substance.

Jangan sangka air yang tenang tiada buaya. Buaya darat tak ada lah kot.

Anti antisocial 101.


Ahahahaha, Tu lah, orang pergi sekolah suruh belajar tak nak. Sekarang baru nak terhegeh-hegeh.

People like me...

We are different than others.

Very different. And because of that, we are lonely. Not because we are alienated or outcast-ed, of course not. We are very likable. Only that, other people, normal people, they don't get it.

But people like me, we get it. We see things others cannot. To us, it's obvious. It's like looking in front of a picture, and all you see is there. What you see is what you get. We do not have to read between the lines because we are the fucking between the lines.

People have to interpret us. They have to read us, very carefully. But still, we require a lot of attention. Not the usual attention that you want like fame or glamour. The attention i'm talking about is the kind of attention you get when you get sick. Or the kind of attention you get when you don't understand a certain theory of relativity.

I've heard a saying that we are all lonely. And that makes us the same and together, something like that. Yes, i do believe in that shit. But sometimes, we still feel lonely, no matter how many of us feel the same. Get it?

Anyways, i just thought you might want to know that you should watch Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain. Great movie, especially, the one that shows how all of us, we are defined by our small pleasures.



My favourite part was the ending. Lebih-lebih lagi semasa mereka berdua naik motosikal berdua-duaan mengelilingi bandar, berperangai gila-gila, dengan lagu background yang sangat-sangat sedap. Memang perfect gila. Buat aku cemburu. If only real life was like that. If only.

Oh and one more thing, you have to know French to watch this movie, if not, well, you are such a loser. ehehe

Tuesday, 24 February 2009

Tajuk entri ini kat bawah.

There's a void in me that is not supposed to be there. Like a void filling a void. Nothingness, just filling a space in me that actually isn't there. Get it?

Tiba-tiba sahaja tergerak hati aku untuk melawat kawan aku. Lantaran aku pun lawatlah profil myspace beliau.

Aku macam tidak percaya sahaja. Entahlah, aku rasa macam tak nak terima hakikat. Tetapi kalau dah memang depan mata, nak buat macam mana kan? Kena lah terima, dah disogokkan dengan kebenaran.

Aku scroll ke bawah, lihat balik komen-komen terbaru beliau. Ada rakan-rakan lain masih lagi komen beliau bagaikan dia masih ada. Itu aku tidak boleh terima. Aku memang tidak suka lah, truth be told.

Mereka, bagi aku, macam menganggap dia masih ada. Mereka menghantar komen, bagaikan dia akan baca balik semua itu. Cara mereka itu menganggap bahawa dia akan balas balik. Itu aku tidak boleh terima.

Kalau diikutkan, aku pun nak anggap seperti dia masih ada di sini. Dan aku nak buat perkara macam biasa. Sepertimana dalam cerita sixth sense, budak kecik itu tahu yang hantu itu tidak akan datang kembali pada keesokan harinya, namun dia "pretend" yang hantu itu akan datang balik.

Aku faham yang mereka rindukan dia. Aku faham yang mereka tidak puas lagi, kerana terlalu cepat dia pergi. Apa mereka ingat aku tidak faham ke? Apa mereka fikir aku tidak berperasaan ke?

Kalau diikutkan juga, aku rasa, dia lebih lama dan lebih rapat dengan aku berbanding sesiapa. Kecuali keluarga dia lah. Namun, mungkin tahun lepas memang menjadi keruh sedikit lah. Entah tahun lepas, aku rasa, aku ini seperti seorang syaitan. Tidak melayan beliau. Asyik sakit hati. Mungkin aku menyesal dalam diam-diam kerana kali terkahir aku ber"instant-messaging" dengan beliau, aku memarahi beliau. Aku berkonfrontasi, dengan tidak semena-mena.

Aku rasa seperti aku menuduh dia, walaupun dia tidak bersalah. Itu mungkin aku menyesal, tetapi aku tidak mahu fikirkan sebegitu, aku harap-harap memang aku tidak berdosa terhadap dia. Aku memang berdoa.

Cuma aku agak rindu dengan dia.

Walaupun, contohnya, kalau dia masih lagi ada, aku rasa aku tidak akan rindu dia. Tetapi bila sudah dapat tahu, bahawa dia sudah pergi, baru rindu, bersalah, nak jumpa balik, semua emosi itu datang masuk ke dalam diri kita. Itulah manusia, kan?

Aku tidak tahu lah apa aku nak ceritakan di sini. Cuma apabila aku tengok balik komen di profil beliau, aku baca komen dari rakan-rakan dia, aku tidak puas hati dengan mereka. Mungkin mereka saja nak komen supaya profil itu tidak terbengkalai, tetapi entahlah, aku cuma tidak boleh terima konteks komen mereka itu.

Kalau setakat aku rindu kau, mungkin ya. Tetapi lebih daripada itu memang overdose lah.

Dan satu lagi, aku bukannya nak kutuk, maki, caci atau apa-apa yang sewaktu dengannya kepada sesiapa yang terasa. Cuma, semasa dia ada, aku perasan yang dia tidaklah selalu berhubung dengan beberapa rakan-rakan kami yang lain.

Dan apa yang aku tidak boleh terima, selepas ketiadaan dia, rakan-rakan yang, kononnya rapat, berkata seperti :

"Aku rindulah masa kita selalu lepak dengan dia."

Kepada semua pembaca-pembaca. Ayat di atas boleh dikategorikan sebagai hiperbola, iaitu, cakap nak meletup je.

Perkataan "selalu" itu yang aku tidak boleh terima. Kerana aku tidak percaya dia selalu lepak dengan orang berkenaan, walhal rumah dia berjauhan.

Tetapi, siapalah aku kan. Buat apa lah benda sebegitu pun aku tidak puas hati. Biarlah. Asalkan kita sama-sama rindu terhadap orang yang sama. Mutual feelings, eh.




Jom , sekarang ni aku in the mood nak tengok Greys dan menangis kejap. Tough kan aku ni.

Sunday, 22 February 2009

Yes man. No man.

Banyak perkara yang aku nak ceritakan sekarang ini tentang diri aku, tetapi aku tidak tahu di mana nak bermula dan berkenaan apa dahulu yang ingin aku luahkan.

Baiklah, sebelum aku mulakan topik-topik yang aku ingin buka cerita, aku nak beritahu yang aku sekarang ini berperasaan neutral. Mungkinlah, sebab memang sukar untuk manusia, MANUSIA, untuk berperasaan neutral.

Anyhoo. Hari ini banyak perkara yang aku sedar tentang diri aku ini.

Pertama sekali, aku ini mempunyai self-esteem yang teramat rendah. Memang perkara ini mengejutkan aku lah. Dari dahulu lagi, bagi aku, aku rasa aku ini seorang yang mempunyai konfiden yang tinggi dan tidak kisah sangat pada kata-kata orang. Aku tidak peduli langsung. Tambahan pula aku tidak suka berlagak dan aku tidak suka cuba sedaya-upaya untuk buktikan diri aku ini kepada semua orang.

Faham tak?

Maksud aku, contohnya, aku ini seorang yang memang laksana peribahasa "jangan sangka air yang tenang tiada buaya". Kamu semua mesti fikir dan anggap aku ini bukanlah lelaki yang sukakan sukan. Kan? Aku percaya kamu akan terkejut apabila aku pernah cakap aku pernah menang pingat pertama dalam acara lompat jauh, aku pernah dapat pingat ketiga dalam acara lumba lari berpagar, aku pernah memasuki lumba lari 100 meter, 200 meter, 4X100 meter, lompat tinggi, lontar peluru, bola tampar, dan ragbi sentuh. Aku pasti kamu terkejut.

Sepertimana ada beberapa orang terkejut yang aku main futsal, di Ampang Sports Planet.

Susah sikitlah aku nak terangkan apa kena-mengena benda ini dengan self-esteem aku.

Ada beberapa orang anggap aku ini lemah lembut orangnya, dan mereka amat terkejut aku ini reti bersukan. Mereka bagaikan tidak percaya, dan aku pula bagaikan mahu tunjuk kehebatan aku, tetapi aku masih lagi dapat bertahan. Sebabnya, aku terus cakap pada diri aku, kuat-kuat di dalam hati, bahawa aku tidak perlu tunjuk kepada mereka.

I keep on telling myself that i don't need to prove myself to them. Namun demikian, perasaan ingin berlagak, ingin tunjuk, ingin buktikan diri aku kepada mereka itu memang tinggi.

Can you see how this relates to my self-esteem? No? Ah well, ini pun dah nampak sangat macam aku ini berlagak. Tetapi aku tidak suka berlagak. I just need to tell you that i am not that kind of person, but i want you to know that i am still human to have the desire to want to prove myself, to show them that i am capable. I'm not saying that i am that great, i'm just saying that i am able to do what they are able to do.

Ini juga dapat dikaitkan dengan perkara seterusnya yang aku ingin ceritakan.

Aku baru sedar, atau mungkin anggap, atau mungkin perasan, whichever, yang aku ini bagi orang pijak kepala aku. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Tapi sebelum ini, i see it as me helping people out in their time of need. Tetapi entah kenapa hari ini, aku terasa yang orang selalu pijak kepala aku. Orang ingat aku ini baik sangat. People take me for fucking granted.

But why is it, that when i say no, i feel so fucking guilty, when there is no blame to put on. When there is no wrong to an opinion. But still i feel sorry, for others, and mostly myself.

Am i that nice? Am i that easy to take for granted for? Am i that sympathetic, empathetic, to the extent that it's hard for me to say no.

Sometimes i just don't know who i am anymore. I don't know who i'm supposed to be. I don't know when to be which.

Saturday, 21 February 2009

A night to remember.

Quoting Bilbo Baggins while smoking green leaf, whatever it's called.

Started off with meeting back with old friends and ended with heavy laughter.

In between consist of playing futsal, satisfied, eventhough did not make it to the next round.

Followed by eating mcdonalds while talking and gossiping. Yeah i know, boycot. But i just needed a fix. And if i don't get it, i'll get cranky, and you know how i am when i get cranky. You do NOT want to mess with the Yoda.

Anyways, after that continued with a drive with friends. Hell of an experience. Kelam kabut bila ada roadblock. Baru nak pakai tali pinggang, baru nak letak pelekat "P". Baru nak check bawak driving license.

Satu malam yang menyeronokkan.

Or it could be considered as one way to start the day.

Just got back and just got to write down the things that happened.


p/s: No. I have not gotten a driving license, not yet anyways. Before this i was persistent, but after this morning's incident, i've got to say that i am beginning to warm up to the idea of driving. Just can't stand polluting the earth, though.

Friday, 20 February 2009

Respon yang sudah lama tergendala.

Kawan aku kata aku ini lain daripada aku yang dulu. Aku banyak berubah. Mungkin. Tetapi yang paling ketara adalah kelembapan aku ini.

Aku pun tidak tahu bagaimana dan kenapa aku kini memang lambat pickup. Memang blur. Selalu orang kena ulang balik apa yang mereka cakapkan supaya aku betul-betul pasti dengar.

Tetapi aku sekarang baru sedar yang aku ini memang seorang yang lembab. Terutamanya respon aku terhadap sesuatu insiden atau perkara.

Contohnya, sakit hati, yang paling obvious. Sebenarnya perkara-perkara yang membuatkan aku sakit hati ini memang sudah lama berlaku. Kalau diikutkan, memang sudah berkurun lamanya. Aku sahaja yang pendamkan, berdendam.

Kadang-kadang tu, satu hari baru aku teringat balik terhadap sesuatu insiden yang lepas, kemudiannya aku sakit hati yang teramat. Dan baru sekarang aku nak kecil hati dengan orang tersebut walaupun pada waktu kini, dia tidak bersalah.

Seperti apa yang aku cakapkan. Respon aku memang lambat.

Dan sekarang aku nak tunjukkan kepada kamu kenapa aku senyap, sombong, berlagak, antisosial dan lain-lain yang sewaktu dengannya, yang kamu semua anggap ada pada diri aku.


Ini adalah gambaran isi hati seseorang yang normal. Tompok-tompok hitam itu adalah simbol yang melambangkan sakit hati, kecil hati, patah hati, hati-hati dan apa-apa jenis hati yang ada.



Dan ini adalah gambaran hati aku.



That is why i cannot let anyone in. I cannot let anyone out. I don't want to meet new people. I don't want to let old people go.

p/s: Masih lagi dalam pembelajaran untuk mencantikkan lukisan grafik, whatever it's called. Aku tidaklah sehebat Pously Naie.

Perasaan lega sepenuhnya.

Ingat tak ada sekali aku buat post tentang deja vu?

Berkenaan perasaan aku yang rindu membara-bara terhadap sesuatu yang tidak pernah aku buat, tetapi aku tetap berasa rindu, bagaikan aku pernah melakukan benda itu seumur hidup dan sudah kian lama berhenti.

Lantaran, aku baru sahaja selesai menonton musim pertama siri televisyen Roswell. Lega. Sedih. Gembira. The usual. Berbagai-bagai perasaan menyelubungi badan aku sehingga tiada ruang lagi untuk organ dalaman aku.

Thursday, 19 February 2009

Tuesday, 17 February 2009

Christopher John Francis Boone.

Him and me.

We are so different in a way that we are very much alike.



Currently, sedang kemaruk dengan siri televisyen Roswell.

I can actually relate to those aliens. I am pretty much very protective, always on my gurad, never letting people in, never trusting. Always on the run.

From who?

Not the authority.

Not the fanatics.

Not the friends.

But from ourselves.

Tetapi dua benda yang disebut diatas memang tiada kaitan. I just needed to tell someone. And, guess what beloggie? You are it!

Monday, 16 February 2009

Kamu orang masih lagi amatur.

Mari sini tengok bagaimana seorang profesional beraksi.


Michael Buble Twin



Ini semuanya tribute kepada dia, dia dan dia.

My first scar. Neat!

Buat pertama kali dalam hidup aku, aku dapat jumpa kat mana tanda lahir aku.

Baru je tadi aku terjumpa, tapi bukan main susah lagi nak tengok, kena ada cermin lah.

Tapi akhirnya jumpa jugak, kalau tak aku ingatkan aku ini alien ke apa.

Saturday, 14 February 2009

Deppressionisme.

Aku rasa kini aku semakin menjadi seperti dahulukala.

Maksud aku, aku dahulu ada depression.

Kini, aku rasa macam aku sedang memasuki fasa tersebut semula selepas sekian lama meninggalkannya gara-gara tamat peperiksaan.

Dan aku rasa sebab aku masuk balik fasa depression aku adalah kerana keputusan nanti.

Dan aku rasa semakin malas untuk sambung blog ini. Minta maaf.

Aku rasa aku nak delete blog ini.

Aku rasa aku nak berhenti kerja.

Aku rasa aku nak buat blog baru, sebagai memperbaharui diri aku, kot. Mungkinlah.

Aku rasa aku nak jadi seorang optimistik yang betul-betul punya. Bukan seorang pesimistik yang berselindung di bawah pakaian seorang yang optimistik.

Tetapi adakah aku mampu melakukan semua itu, lagi-lagi kalau boleh aku nak buat semua itu sebelum keluar keputusan.

Here's to the start of seomthing new, but not now. Not yet.

Thursday, 12 February 2009

A day of "there's a first for everything".

Hari ini merupakan hari bersejarah bagi saya. Memang, dengan izin Allah, tidak akan saya lupakan hari ini.

Pernahkah kamu mengalami satu ketika di mana perasaan gembira, terkejut, tidak sabar, keinginan untuk tahu(curiosity), dan sebak memenuhi kapasiti emosional kamu sehinggakan kamu tidak boleh menahan daripada melompat-lompat dan menitiskan airmata pada masa yang sama?

Pernahkah kamu, setelah lama bersabar, setelah lama berhajat, setelah lama berkerja keras(mungkin tidaklah sekeras kamu), akhirnya saat yang kamu nantikan dalam hidup kamu, saat yang menentukan segala-galanya bagi kamu sama ada kamu akan hidup dalam kegembiraan ataupun sebaliknya, berlaku kepada kamu dalam keadaan yang tidak semena-mena?



Saya pernah.

Love is a word that needs repetition.

To love someone, well you just have to figure it out on your own. I'm still puzzled.


If i love you, must i think about you constantly?

And if i don't, does that mean i don't love you?

Is it wrong to not think of you so oftenly, but i'm still in love with you?

What's the difference of placing you in a very warm spot in my heart, than not being able to get you out of my head?


Haish, penatlah fikir pasal ni.

Amik kau!

Dah lama aku tak berblogging. Inilah hasilnya selepas sekian lama meninggalkannya sekejap untuk berehat. Agak rindu juga.



It's good to be back, bitches.

Perhaps it's how i look at this world.

Perhaps it's how my angle about life that makes it so hard to live.

Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it.
Christopher Morley (1890 - 1957)
Life is just one damned thing after another.
Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)

Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.
Fran Lebowitz (1950 - )

Life is something that everyone should try at least once.
Henry J. Tillman

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992)

Life is a long lesson in humility.
James M. Barrie (1860 - 1937)

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
John Lennon (1940 - 1980), "Beautiful Boy"
Life is a fatal complaint, and an eminently contagious one.
Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809 - 1894), "The Poet at the Breakfast-Table", 1872

Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.
Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900), Lady Windermere's Fan, 1892, Act I

Life is a zoo in a jungle.
Peter De Vries

Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
R. D. Laing
Life is an unbroken succession of false situations.
Thornton Wilder (1897 - 1975)

Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.
Truman Capote (1924 - 1984)
Life is just a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see inside of you.
Wally 'Famous' Amos (1936 - )

Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all.
William Goldman, "The Princess Bride"

I've heard them all. I've read them all. Life is like this, life is like that. Bla bla clippity clap. I'm not saying that i hate quotes, collecting them is like my hobby.

But after a while i get tired of hearing and seeing the same thing. People try to say intelligent things. People trying to be intelligent.

Life is like a bowl of cherries. Life is like a tree.

Life is nothing like any of those. Life is like life. It's just life. Live it you idiots.


And by idiots, i'm referring to myself. I've got to be less antisocial. Dayem.

New visuals.

Sebenarnya aku banyak idea kat dalam kepala otak aku ini. Cuma unorganized dan aku tak tahu macam mana nak mulakan satu projek baru.

Dan aku terasa nak lukis secara graphic, tetapi aku tak tahu macam mana.

Dan dulu aku memang teramat suka kepada photography. Tetapi disebabkan trend, aku membencinya yang teramat. Aku sudah meninngalkannya.



Disebabkan orang lain, aku membenci satu daripada hanya beberapa sahaja hobi yang membuatkan hidup aku bermakna.

Only god knows that nowadays my life is somewhat useless.

Midnight introspection.

Sometimes i wish i was medicated.

Just because it's something that i can at least be proud of.

One thing in my life i can be proud of.

Does that mean i'm scared or i'm lonely?

Sometimes i get nightmares of a something nature which i can't , ever tell anyone about. All i can say is when i get these nightmares, i wake up from my sleep in my dark room, all alone, feeling scared.

I look around, searching the whole room if there is someone in the room other than me, and usually, well mostly, nobody is there. But somehow i get the feeling there there are. And that makes me scared.

When i feel scared or a panic attack hits me, i just need to be with someone, someone i know for a long time. I don't care what he/she's doing, sleeping, eating, gaming, as long as i am not alone in the room.

And that is why when i wake up from a nightmare, after looking around my room, i straight away get out. Straight away look for someone. Usually my dad is sleeping in front of the television in the living room, and that alone makes me feel a bit better.

Well all that happened just now. I had a nightmare, i looked around my room, no one was there, yet i feel that someone is there, i straight away get up, got out of the room, saw my dad sleeping, as usual in front of the television, then i went to the pc and turned it on and here i am.

Or does that just makes me look pathetic. You pick.

And now, i'm afraid of going back to sleep. Haish.

Tuesday, 10 February 2009

Currently on a road to self-discovery.

Please replace all INFJ's with Don Juan. Thank you very much.

INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.

INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.

INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.

But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.

Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals.

INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.

In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.

The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.

Ek!

Oh and i stumbled upon a writing of mine i did long ago during my revolution.

Sukacita diumumkan bahawa Azuan seorang anak melayu yang mengamati unsur-unsur variasi. Ektremis yang melampau menjadi lambang perwatakan dia. Suka bercengkerama dengan revolusi abstrak dan beriktikad untuk menjadi anarkis kegembiraan. Daif dalam bidang politik, cinta dan sejarah duniawi. Kalau boleh, perkara mencurigakan yang membawa kepada konfrontasi tidak bermanfaat perlu dihindarkan. Khayalan dan imaginasi menjadi sumber hiburan serta inspirasi. Azuan tidak menilai paras rupa sebaliknya dari segi rohaniah dalaman. Jijik terhadap pernyalahgunaan kepercayaan serta orang-orang seperti telinga nipis, tukang kipas, besar kepala dan yang sewaktu dengannya. Dia juga memandang rendah terhadap perkara klise dan pliagarisme. Ciri negatif beliau termasuklah berdendam, hamba perasaan, kerap mengutuk, dan keegoan yang setinggi menara KLCC. Tabiatnya adalah merekacipta kisah-kisah fanatik beriramakan epik fantasi untuk memuaskan sanubari. Rakus terhadap insan yang bermuka palsu mahupun orang yang menghabiskan masa merungut daripada membuat sesuatu untuk betulkan keadaan. Hipokrit itu sudah menjadi darah daging Azuan kerana beliau tidak boleh meluahkan perasaannya yang penuh dengan kesangsian, kebencian, kemalasan dan kemarahan. Benda yang dapat melegakan penyakit-penyakit tersebut adalah lagu-lagu didendangkan kumpulan muzik tempatan bermotifkan kisah benar.

Well, you know what they always say. I'm always looking for a reason to explain who i am. Eventhough the circumstances do not require me to do so.

Monday, 2 February 2009

Thats my name, don't wear it out.

I'm a pessimistic optimist.

That's what i really am.

So from what i understand, pessimists are negative people and optimist are the opposite.

Well i'm both.

For example, i doubt that this relationship will last long but wishes it to stay longer.

Ya dig?