Wednesday, 30 December 2009

What if i say...

That i decided to unforgive this person.

I mean what will that say about me or in general.

In other words, is it okay if i decide that the person i have forgiven, whom i am sure apologised just for the sake of his dignity and not actually asking for my forgiveness, to be unforgived. I take back or in this case give him back his sorry because i don't want it without sincerity and of course repentance.

At least have the sense to stay away from me or understand that i am not interested in humoring you.

Tuesday, 29 December 2009

Free as a bird.

Got no class this evening, going to lounge about on the bed all day and do nothing but procrastinate as much as i can.

It has been a very long time since i've seen this person. Perhaps not that long compared to how long i've known the person but still, it is considered long enough. I am not sure what i feel because lately i have been very indifferent or maybe trying to be as such. To deny the feelings i am feeling and not to let it out in the open.

I do miss the aforementioned person. Especially when i browse through pictures and pictures of us taken long ago duing times of ease and hormones and merrymaking.

I don't feel like i am chained anymore, i don't feel like i am tied to anyone or anything anymore, i don't feel strangled, i don't feel anything that makes me feel cooped up and suffocating. I guess i am free, but too much freedom can lead to being chained and trapped by freedom itself.

I almost forgot how i loved to talk nonsense. Let's start this all over again to get bloodied up in the end.

Monday, 28 December 2009

It was supposed to be goodbye, but now it's hello.

Woke up at two in the morning and can't sleep. Need to catch up on my studying.

Anyways, just here to tell myself that i will be doing it again so long i have time and determination to do it.

Learning to be not nice all the time. Learning to be alone and take it to the next level.

trying to fight the urge of wanting to be different and special and unique, but in some small way, trying to accept the fact that we are unique and different and special together, not on our own.