Thursday, 29 April 2010

Here's a secret for all you gals out there?

Agak menjijikan lah tajuk entri ni.

Anyhoo, i just want to tell you girls out there, a way into a man's heart is through his stomach.

Meaning that you need to cook, and your cooking is supposed to be delicious. That's right, put on your aprons and start learning.

Let's keep it simple.

Sci-fi turns me on.

On the path to becoming Sandy Cohen.

I am a very self-righteous guy. I will stand up and fight for what I feel is right. But somehow all that is just all talk and no play. I admit that i have talked the talk, but never really walked the walk.

I have been given opportunities to prove my self-righteousness in the past, but i guess i just didn't have big enough balls to show them.

Or perhaps, it's because of my giving demeanour and my level of anger(?). Some people easily get angry and just lash out on everybody, others, they have their level of angriness(wtf?). As for me, i haven't met a situation where i am at the precipice of me anger to really get me going, i guess.

Pro's and Con's of having a gift.

I can easily remember people's faces. For example, if i were in a school i would know who are my batch mates and who are not, even if some of those are not my friends, but i can recognize them.

But the problem is, sometimes i do know people personally, perhaps for a short while, or in short intervals due to mutual activities(but do not interest me so much to get to know them in a more deep level), and at these times of crucial moments, i forget who they are, or where they are from or what are their names or where i know them from. I know their faces but i don't exactly can remember who they are, and that is actually humiliating, especially when you have to ask their names over-and over again after you had a very long conversation with them.

Sometimes, it sucks to be me.

Lone Ranger.

Aku suka orang yang boleh berseorangan, yang mampu mengharungi apa-apa sahaja berseorangan. Walaupun sebenarnya aku percaya semua orang sepatutnya tidak keseorangan.

Contohnya, dulu aku tak berani nak keluar jalan-jalan sorang-sorang. Selalu kena ada di sisi rakan-rakan aku. Itu munkin menunjukan yang aku ini seorang yang tidak boleh berdikari dan dependant, tetapi itu juga menunjukkan aku ini seorang yang suka berada di samping rakan-rakan. Apa-apa sahajalah.

Kini, aku dah berani kata yang aku boleh keluar seorang diri, malah aku dah banyak kali keluar seorang diri tengok wayang seorang diri.

Truth of the matter is, aku gembira berada dalam kedua-dua situasi tersebut. Aku gembira bila boleh luangkan masa bersama kawan dan tengok wayang dan lepak dan kutuk-kutuk orang namun aku gembira juga apabila dapat meluangkan masa untuk diri sendiri, recharge battery so to speak.

Dan aku suka tengok dan teliti orang yang boleh bersendirian, bukan orang yang terpaksa bersendirian. Sebabnya orang yang boleh bersendirian ni, aku percaya, orang seperti aku ini boleh gembirakan diri tanpa orang lain. Tak semestinya dia gelak sorang-sorang dia gila(walaupun memang nampak gila pun), tetapi itu tandanya dia boleh bergembira bersendirian. Tak semestinya nak bergembira kena ada pihak kedua dan ketiga.

Paling aku tak suka pula adalah orang yang tak boleh bersendirian kemudian dia akan menyibuk(sertai) sesuatu kumpulan itu sebab dia terpaksa, sebab dia tak nak nampak yang pada waktu itu dia tu keseorangan.

Come on lah, don't try to lie to other people and yourself, just admit it that you're lonely and be fucking proud of it. That just shows that you don't accept yourself for who you are, how are other people going to accept you if you yourself won't.

Sebab tu kalau aku nak pergi beli buku, aku pergi sorang-sorang sekarang. Sebab aku dan semua rakan-rakan aku tahu, kalau aku masuk kedai buku mahupun kedai DVD, aku akan mengambil masa yang lama untuk buat keputusan nak beli apa. Dan aku akan habiskan masa browse dulu buku-buku.

Anyways, aku nak buku baru, tapi malas lah nak pergi sorang-sorang. Tunggu je lah kawan ajak keluar. :)

and everything nice.

Why the hell do I feel like everyone around me are shocked and surprised that someone like me swears a lot? I have never made everyone think that i am the nice guy, have I?

Aku mampu gelak dan senyum sahaja.

Aku tak nak cakap lah sangat pasal karma dan balasan semua tu, dah tak ada guna dah cakap panjang-panjang pasal benda tu.

Cuma apa yang aku nak cakap adalah, baguslah kalau dah sedar. Harap-harap dah sedar lah kan. Aku bukan nak kata aku pun tak ada salah silap, mungkin lebih banyak , tetapi aku dah sedar dan aku rasa aku dah banyak cuba kurangkan salah silap aku tu.

Dan apabila aku nampak yang kesedaran itu sudah menjelma, aku mampu tergelak dan senyum sahaja, itu pun secara rohaniah. Kalau tengok raut wajah aku sekarang ini, muka aku sungguh serius, tak gelak dan senyum pun sebenarnya.

Kalau lah aku jahat, dan kalau diikutkan hati yang sudah banyak tompok hitam ini, dah lama aku cakap IN YOUR FACE dan PADAN MUKA, tapi aku rasa tak baik lah kan sebab tak ada guna nya dah sekarang.

Yang penting, dan aku akan ulang ni sebanyak kali yang aku mampu, kesedaran itu dah tiba. Dah mengetuk di pintu hati dan minda.

Tuesday, 27 April 2010

Completed reading Anansi Boys and American Gods.

My favourite was American Gods.

But now that i have finished both of the books that i have brought, i can't help but think and wonder and be afraid of the fact that life will get boring if i don't get myself a new book. Seriously i am afraid that i will get bored.

Monday, 26 April 2010

The problem is...

I'm getting mixed signals from you, and somehow i don't know what to make of it. I don't want this to go into a whole different direction than it should. I also don't want to make a big thing out of a small thing that will ruin everything. So please don't take it personally, because i am being impersonal.

Friday, 23 April 2010

The master.

Seth: Anna wait, what am i going to do without you? Who am I going to play Jenga with? You're so wise and all your sage wisdom, what am i going to do without that?

Anna: Confidence , Cohen.

Thursday, 22 April 2010

You guys seriously don't know what you're missing.

Kadang-kadang itu best tau mencarut dengan dan terhadap rakan-rakan kita. Walaupun sebenarnya tak baik mencarut kat mereka, tetapi dalam konteks ini bukan maksd aku mencarut kat mereka. Ianya lebih kepada mencarut terhadap idea yang kita boleh mencarut terhadap mereka. Dalam erti kata lain, DON"T DO THIS AT HOME:

This too shall pass.

I think i will burn that bridge when it comes to that, for right now i do not know what to do with him/her/it.

Any ideas?

I have reached the age where i believe that whenever i am invited to any occasions or parties or get-togethers, i am supposed to, or it is incumbent upon me to attend it un-empty-handed.

But the problem is, what should i bring? Wine? Chocolates? Gift basket? All of those do not fall in the range of someone like me who is unemployed, currently not studying anywhere, status single and probably not availabe until i have reached maturity and has a god complex.

So, what say you?

Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Aku rasa boleh nangis lah sekarang.

Tak dapat kelayakan untuk pergi ujian medsi. Dalam erti kata lain tak dapat lah kot kos tu. Tak boleh jadi cikgu. :(

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

Am i missing something?

I can't help but wonder what is it that makes other people like me bored out of their wits and minds?

To be frank, i am not that bored actually. I don't feel anything right now, as usual. I am feeling mild happiness i guess. But what i want to say is that i am not feeling at all bored staying home, a new home at that, whilst everyone else i know keeps moaning and complaining that they feel bored staying at home.

This just makes me sigh and wonder and also makes me feel thankful that having brought Anansi Boys and American Gods the previous few days helps in relieving any pain, i guess.

And i am currently nearing to finish reading Anansi Boys. Can't wait to get started on American Gods. Looking forward to it.

Why are girls' clothes so effing complicated?

Sakit hati aku nak lipat baju diaorang ni, kang aku campak je dalam bakul kena marah plak. Aahahha

Thursday, 15 April 2010

Face forward.

although i am in amidst of sadness and missing, i am looking forward and enthusiastic to meet my old friends and lost loves. perhaps this saturday, perhaps sooner.

I told myself it will not happen again to me.

After the incident in high school, i told myself that my emotional capacity for making new friends and new loves would be at an all time high. It is at its peak and there will be no more space for me to add more problems into my life. nevertheless, the carrying capacity just skyrocketed which indirectly increased the biotic potential.

But i was deceived by my own heart. I made new friends and new loves, made myself felt like i belong, made me feel happy to be in a circle of connection that overlaps with other circles.

Hence look at me now, the circle is not broken, only that it has become bigger and larger, and the points on the circle are too far away to calculate it's tangent and equation.

Trying to hold on.

for god's sake, i hate it when i am like this. it's pathetic.

Now it hits me.

A pang hits me in the chest, a heartbreak hits me in the heart, but this doesn't feel anywhere physically.

It's a soul hurt. And it hurts so much feeling lost and alone.

This morning, watching Glee to make it all feel alright, but it just makes it worst. Reminding me of everything that had happened. Like everything was a dream. Like it never happened.

But i have all these memories saying that it was real. It IS real.

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

What they say is true.

They say that home is where your heart is. After tomorrow, my home will be scattered all over the country, and perhaps the world also, indicating that my heart, is with all of my friends.

Okay, reminiscing mode: ON to the max.


"Let's say all the things we never said."
- Russel Hammond, Almost Famous.