I try to adjust myself, to become a better person, an individual who cares, even of the strangers, who just gives and gives without expecting compensation other than the love and the mercy of my creator.
But perhaps i haven't tried enough, perhaps i easily succumb to my habits, bad habits, my nafs, my deepest urges that are unnatural or perhaps not coinciding with the characters of a believer.
Sometimes i do feel bad, but that feeling goes away, unless i tend to think it over and over and contemplate on the issue at hand.
Take this picture for example, it hurts my heart, makes me sad, feel bad that i am granted a good life, with all my rantings and complaints, i forget that i am those who are gifted, who are considered lucky, i get to live a life in this temporary world, at least by this life definition, a life of comfort. I seldom view other peoples misfortunes or at least less fortunate than me, and empathize and sympathize and at least do something for them.
I forget that what i am trying to be, right now in this career path, in this direction, in medicine, to devote a long life to the health of other people, requires me to do better, learn a lot, and become better. And thus i feel bad for always staying lazy, procrastinating, and not doing better. I lack the determination and perseverence to strive and achieve the best. I lack direction and motivation, as i have always been.
But people may ask, what does the girl in the picture have to do with me? Who am i to her, she is just some other person across the world in another continent, another country, another city, with no relation whatsoever with me.
Hence i answer with a question, what do we all have in common in this world, are we to live forever, are we not connected by one way or another, do we not see the relations?
Pray i get to be someone useful in the community, for the people, any people who i am able to help. Allahu muqalibal qullub thabbit qalbi ala deenik.