I believe i know my self personally- since i am me.
No one else can be you- they might try, they might emulate, they might come close, but they cannot even replace. Even if you feel as worthless as you've never been, you're still irreplaceable- your (un)worthiness is one of a kind.
As far as i can remember, i think i've never used the word "hiatus" in my vocabulary (perhaps i forget), never even fathom to act like i need an escape from the daily musings of work and busy schedule. In truth, it's not that i need an escape from all that. Perhaps it's that i actually am not happy with my life to begin with so much so that i need an escape from it.
Why would i need a hiatus, a pause from life, a detour from the journey of life on my way forward, take a breather and stop to think? I think and believe that that is itself a warning saying that there is something actually wrong with the current direction i am heading in my own life. Am i really going the right way?
It's been a long time since i have written a post on this blog. It used to be a hobby, used to be for merrymaking, a medium to channel my emotions, a therapeutic way for me to experience and make sense of my thought processes and perceptions. To take what i have in my head and put it to black and white, make it real, make it existential, as solid and concrete as the buttons on the keyboard i am tapping as of right now.
Sometimes i do visit this blog time and again, reading back all these inner monologues and seeing them through very different glasses than the glasses which i used to use during those times. Time sure changes or it doesn't, depending on your flexibility to adapt and mould and grow. Am i willing to grow or will i just hold on to very rigid views from now and forever?
And right now, i have just lost my train of thought, i was not so sure what i was going to write about, all i knew was that it has been a long time, and i am possibly very different than the me i used to be a few years ago. i have grown, or i may have not, but either way, i guess i am not the same anymore. I don't know what is left of me, what is supposed to be me, what is the very definition of me or is it ever changing and requires updated versions every year or so and revision editions. All i know,
at this moment, at this point in my life, this is me: