I remember how i used to love some silly thing, love it to the point that i want it all the time, want to do it all the time, want to look at it all the time and so on. I'm not sure if it is equal to the definition of infatuation, nonetheless, i guess i was infatuated.
Perhaps one example is loving some silly piece of music. I remember how it wasn't that silly to me. But now, post-epiphany, after a long time of thinking and after getting in touch with the real world, in touch with reality, i realize that i used to be so shallow.
I may be using the word shallow so loosely here, perhaps because i may still be afraid to admit that i was once or perhaps still am shallow. Very superficial, not able to connect on a very deep and meaningful level in any aspect albeit relationships and also worldviews.
I remember how i was avidly enthusiastic when encountering people with the same interests as me, i.e in music. I revered myself as being someone who was always against the crowd, never going with the flow, not following with the latest trends. Alternative, so to speak.
Hence, when i meet an individual with the same disposition as me, i tend to think that it was one of those impossible miracles. I start to imagine how we will be the best of friends forever and ever just because we have the same taste in i.e. music.
But then, things never lasts. Especially things that are built upon very superficial tendencies and beliefs. I like to believe it does, or perhaps there is some piece of me still wanting to believe that it does, but in reality it does not. Things change, people change, circumstances differ and tend to expect us to adapt to it.
Just like when i used to hate eating vegetables, i love eating them now. Or when i used to love social gatherings and meeting many people whilst making new friends, now i just prefer having little get togethers wih close friends and family. Take a picnic, go to the community park, hang out with my nephew and nieces, a thing that i never imagined i would love doing back in those days. The same can be said in music, hobbies, food, games, activities, preferences, any of them can change without even you realizing it happening.
Things that used to matter to you when you were a kid, doesn't seem to matter to you now, now that you are an adult ( or striving to be one).
So it would seem to me now that all of those things seem to be shallow minded things. They don't have that much value to me than they used to. And in the end they should not have been that valuable.
In perspective, the life of this world, is just like that. Shallow. Or in other words, expendable, inessential, non-recyclabe, invaluable and so on. Because in the end, it wouldn't matter. In the end, in the journey to the eternal, it'd be a thing of the past, something that you can't take to your grave or the hereafter. Everything will turn to oblivion.
All that would matter is how you live the life that was given to you, not what you had in your life that was worth something in the eyes of the world.This life is just a mere illusion, that can both be the cause of your destruction or your salvation. Depends on what you do with it, i guess.
Thus, change is inevitable. Change can sometimes be good, or perhaps bad if we make it out to do so. And we need to accept change. We need to learn to change, or we would not be able to adapt to the future, to our own future.
Something Lucien, a librarian of the Dreaming, remarks of Morpheus of the Endless
"Charitably... I think... sometimes, perhaps, one must change or die. And in the end, there were, perhaps, limits to how much he could let himself change."
