Agak tegang.

Kau senyap je sekarang.

Kau lah.

Mana ada, kau tu yang menghilang.


*masalahnya, takkan aku nak cakap yang aku senyap dengan kau sebab kau macam tak layan aku, jadi buat apa kau nak jadi macam orang bodoh asyik tegur kau tanpa ada reaksi daripada pihak kau.

tapi takpe, semuanya baik belaka, tak ada apa-apa masalah pun. minta maaflah kalau aku agak kasar. aku ok, cuma sekarang keadaan tegang dan aku sedang cemas.

Syukur.

Alhamdulillah pada saat ini, selesai aku menyiapkan segala persiapan untuk esok. Cuma tinggal tahap keyankinan aku sahaja yang tidak lagi selesai-selesai. Aku memang tidak ada keyakinan tinggi dalam bab seperti esok ini. Memang tiada. Namun, aku kena percayakan pada diri aku untuk menempuhi cabaran ini, kan? Kalau tidak, bagaimana aku nak berdepan dengan diri sendiri kalau aku tidak sanggup menewaskan kelemahan aku ini.


gentar bangat seh.

Warming up.

I'm still trying to get into my old and odd habit of trying to write long paragraphs of complete and utter nothings. All these short writings, are just a warm up. You best be watching your back, cause the old Sheriff is back in town baby.

Asal ek?

Asal aku rasa macam pada waktu ini semua orang dalam keadaan tegang. Everybody is so tense. Come on lah people.

Take a chill pill. Better yet, get stoned.

Another piece of a broken puzzle.

Takes solace in hiding and sneaking up on people.

I can't do this anymore.

It's supremely difficult to hold something in yourself so hard that no one can grasp it. I have been holding back something so big for so long which will only, in return, make it bigger and in the end, one day, when pushed to the limit, it will explode.

On another note, i have been being a hypocrite all my life, but when i am met with an obstacle that requires hypocrisy, i can't do it. Its all wrong. I don't feel like i want to be someone else to impress individuals just because i am supposed to, it's just not right for me. But the worse fact about this is, i have to do this, i have no choice. If not, i will end up nowhere.

Someone fictional once said that "being an adult is about having to make difficult choices". One flaw about that statement is, it occurs to us younglings too and it is most severe to us since we do not have the capacity to accept it into our little limited emotional system. We are not built to face this type of problem, I am not built to face this type of dilemma, at least not yet and of course not alone.

Sometimes, no, most of the time i feel like i am going through everything that is happening in my life alone. I feel like i have no support system, I have no Christina Yang to my Meredith Grey, I have no safety net, I have no guidance counselor, i have no Ryan Atwood to Seth Cohen, i have none of those. Eventhough the actual fact is i do, why the hell do i still feel alone, why the hell do i sometimes hold back what i really want to say, why the hell am i afraid of opening up.

I guess it's because i still feel uncomfortable around familiar people, around people who i have made such a close connection with. But still i, or they, have not really broken down the barrier that is built around me. And that is such a waste. All these years being together ending in nothing more than just hellos and goodbyes.

It is only natural that the person who is stopping us from getting our happiness, achieving our dreams and aspirations, to be able to share and get a taste of happily ever after, is ourselves.

It really hurts when you are your own betrayal. Who can you trust? Who can you love? Who can you depend on, in the end?

Sic vita est. Such is life.

New contacts.

Recently there are a hell lot of people adding me at my facebook page, whom i do not know personally.

But being the stupid idiot that i am, i just approve them and give them the benefit of the doubt, giving them the oppurtunity to get to know me better by actually interacting with me. But, like i said, being the stupid idiot that i am, none of them even said hello or introduced themselves to me. I mean what is the purpose of adding me then?

Even if you want to stalk, oh wait, i do that sometimes.

Alrighty then, just keep doing what you're doing.

Assholes.

First impressions are not that crucial.

For me.

Everybody keeps saying that you have to make a really good first impression. Perhaps you do.

But isn't that like jugding the book by its cover?

I just learned that people are not what they seem, or that you can warm up to someone whom you've never really liked when you take the time and spend it with them.

Really, take the time and spend it with them. Not for them.

Females 101.

Perhaps i have stumbled upon the Holy Grail of truths.

Actually when they talk and express themselves and tell their problems to us guys, they aren't asking for our solution, they're asking for our ears.

Amazing.

And here i thought i could part them wisdom when all they want is someone to talk to.

But then, what are they're girlfriends for?

I should get my own commercial.

I pride myself in believing that i bring people together.

Here are two very different people, in my opinion, and without me, i believe, would not have met and become friends.

Now, with me being in the picture, i indirectly introduced them, informally, and they become quite acquainted. Thus overlapping the circle of friendships.

Which makes me feel good and I believe i should be rewarded for that. At least a hug is appropriately in order i presume. Thank you.