What the hell? i thought i was done for. i thought "oh god i am really going to get it this time. i am really dead meat as in literally" but then when i arrived home it was like i was never out. i was home and the air was quite, soothing, seducing at some parts.i was surprised and honestly i felt relieved. But! But i think i will be punished one way or the other. maybe not now , maybe someday. who knows but i have a bad feeling about this.

I am always the one to be blame. They always call me the bad guy because i am so selfish and so self-absorbed. But hey, it's fine by me. You want a bad guy I'm going to be your bad guy, assholes.

Aside from being born without my father being there, i just found out or perhaps realized that i had many mothers when i was a kid. maybe this is somehow the reason i am looking for, maybe not.

call me a pansy or a wuss but i just melt during romantic comedies and Lars and the real girl just did it for me. for a second i saw myself in his shoes. i think i am going crazy and i think, scratch that. i know i will be like that. i will be delusional at some point. i just don't know when.

still working on my theme song.

tell me this smile is true. tell me that i am not sad. tell me that i love living for myself. tell me that you love me so that i can say thank you and go away so you can live your life more happier than mine. tell me , tell me.

It's not that i feel like i am not worthy to be your friends. i have enough confidence for that but i don't have enough to make me feel that i am up to your standards. we are from different worlds. i can't, i just can't.

Softly now,
somethings in life that are not meant to be

Here's to our problems and here's to our fights
Here's to our achings and here's to your having a good life
from me.


Here's to your lover and here's to my wife,
Here's to your children and here's to your having a good life
from me.

I'm like a fish in a small aquarium. i am trapped and i can't move freely in my current state. People pass by admiring my cuteness but they do not have the power nor the heart to release me of my sadness. i have companions but i do not necessarily know them but i understand how they are feeling. like me they too are trapped and long to be free.

*everybody's got to hold on hope, it's the last thing that's holding me.

It's always being depressed or being mad. that's the only feeling my heart understands. it knows not happy and jolly. please someone put me out of my misery. i beg you.