Who i am now.

Yes, i have changed.


Of course i noticed the transformation. I'm me.

But that's not all that i have noticed. I've really noticed the way my friends treat me. I'm not saying they treated me wrongly, i am not saying that i have been wronged, but what i am saying is that i feel something is adrift, aloof. Maybe it is my fault that my friends feel uncomfortable just being with me anymore, but does that changes the fact that we are friends? Best of friends? Friends whom we've known each other for a very long time, albeit from high school and some from Elementary.

But what hurts me the most, what makes me sad the most, is that a few of you do not like this shift that i am going through. Of course none of you will admit it straightforwardly to me but i can see it through your actions and how you talk to me, how you hang out with me and so much more. It's not like you are trying to hide it, but it's not like you are really showing it either. All i know is, i feel sad and perhaps a bit hurt that what i am going through, you do not like it and not even giving me support.

It's like, "Damn, he's changed. We can't joke around him anymore. We have to take care of our language and whatever in front of him from now on". You guys are sort of like tip-toeing whenever i'm around. You guys are sort of like censoring whatever you do when i am there. It's like you can't be yourself anymore in front of me. It's like you have to be someone fake, someone else because of me. I don't want that, not at all. All i want is for you guys to accept what i have to offer. But i would not force it on you. There will be no coercion. It is up to your free will. You're all grown-ups now. You all know the difference between good and bad, right and wrong. You'd be lying if you say you aren't familiar with it.

Not only that. A few of you even mock me. Mock my belief. I can't tolerate that, i just can't. Something that i truly believe in, i have real convictions in and you just easily mock and make fun of. Perhaps you thought of it as something light, something not worth taken seriously. Well now i'm telling you. I'm sorry if you don't believe in what i believe in, i am not forcing it on you, just inviting, persuading because there is a gap between you and me. A fence that divides us from each other.

And i wish to God that someday, if not sooner, you get to see what it's like on this side of the fence. See things clearly and how we've been blind all these years.